Brace yourself. Or, rather, brace your bear. Higgy Bears has been a hugely important part of Amy’s scoliosis journey, so when there was a fundraiser to get bears that we could assemble and donate to our local hospital, we jumped at the chance. A week ago, Amy, Sarah, and I spread bears, braces, and letters of encouragement on our dining room table and assembled kits that I will donate soon. Each brace had to be put together and then put around a bear. The braced bear then went in a bag with notes about Higgy Bears and letters from kids to kids and from parents to parents, all to support families beginning their scoliosis bracing journey.
Yesterday we began Sarah’s birthday celebrations, though we haven’t quite reached her birthday. During the week the girls and Anna made decorations and a paper tiger with many tails for Tape The Tail On The Tiger. I made a single layer chocolate circle cake and twelve chocolate cupcakes, all of which I covered with chocolate frosting before turning the creation over to Amy. Using fondant and edible paints and dyes, Amy created a masterpiece of a tiger cake. I don’t think I will ever decorate a cake again if Amy is available to work her magic. Sarah’s friends came to our house for a small party that included, pizza, cake, decorating sunglasses with gems, scratch art, hand-painting by Amy, and a hilarious round of attempting to tape a tail on a tiger after being blindfolded and spun in circles. Sarah got the tail in just the right spot, while Amy attempted to tape her tail onto her bestie’s face. It was a joyful afternoon, and Sarah was promptly ready for a nap when it was done.
Rather than napping, I went through all of our digital photos to find pictures of my dad that might be suitable for his memorial service. That activity was heart-filling and heart-breaking. There will be no more pictures going forward in time, but what a treasure-trove of wonderful moments when he read books with Sarah and Amy. One of my favorite pictures of all time is of my dad and Sarah reading Moo, Baa, La, La, La! by Sandra Boynton. They are looking at each other as if they are at a very important moment in the book, which I’m sure they were. I can’t tell what book he is reading to Amy, but I’m sure it was a good one.
One of Sarah’s favorite Frog and Toad stories is about Toad and his sad time of day. For Toad, his sad time of day is when he waits for the mail. He never gets any mail until Frog realizes what is happening and sends Toad a letter. Since my dad died, my sad time of day is often in the evening. Last night I watched an episode of Upstart Crow with Carl and Amy. The show is a comedy about Shakespeare, and I know my dad would have loved it so I watch it in his honor and it helps me feel closer to him. After collecting many Amy snuggles, I wearily made my way towards bed. Sarah wanted me to tuck her in, which I did, but then I had absolutely no emotional space or energy to deal with anything else she might need. I tucked myself in and cried, feeling as if a log of grief was on my chest and I would never feel light-hearted again. After a few minutes, Sarah came in to my room, climbed onto my bed and hugged me, snuggling in close with her head on my chest. She stayed with me until I felt better and then she went off to her own room again so we could each go to sleep.
Wishing you all moments of laughter, love, and good books.
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