I was recently asked what autism awareness meant in my household. I said it meant listening to “Love Shack” any time we drive anywhere, usually multiple times. Of course it is more than that, but I also feel like that is a true encapsulating nutshell of the family flexibly supporting Sarah’s love for the song, for control, for repetition, for the visual picture of the album, and for cutting a rug like a starfish if she is near a dance floor.
A few weeks ago, I watched a person crossing a street with someone else who clearly had special needs of some sort. What struck me was that the person in the front looked impatient, as if they were trying to pull the other person to hurry by getting their own body across the intersection quickly and tautly. I have been this person a million times over, but upon witnessing it I resolved to amble at Sarah’s pace when at all possible so that it would look to an observer like two people in harmonious flow together. I know I will not always hit this mark, especially in an intersection, although then I always use my own body to make sure Sarah isn’t the last one in the road. I know I will have times of impatience or times when I am attempting to be with my speedy Amy or my ambling Sarah and so I am in the middle. But I like having a visual idea of what I am aiming for.
Sarah didn’t have school on Thursday so she and I went for a walk together around the neighborhood, wearing our rain boots so we could splash in puddles. It was wonderful to amble comfortably with nowhere we had to be, enjoying how many buses we saw, and with Sarah pretending to be Frog finding the perfect stick. That afternoon, the rain cleared and the girls dyed Easter eggs. I got everything ready, but then I really wasn’t needed at all. This has probably been true for years, but it still seemed noteworthy compared to the years when I felt like I needed to hover and help with every step. For the first time ever I gave them each a full set of dyeing cups so they didn’t have to share. Why have I not been doing that all along? That made everything so much easier with no one moving someone else’s egg too soon or being impatient for any particular color.
For the first time ever, the girls’ spring breaks do not overlap at all. For Sarah’s spring break, she and Carl are on a very short Disney cruise. After surviving the painfully long wait time between boarding and when the shops selling t-shirts opened, they have been having what looks to be the best time ever. She packed two of her dresses on the off chance she might want to dress up for dinner. On their first night she did indeed want to dress up for dinner, donning her Bandits on the Run t-shirt, her Pittsburgh Penguins flannel pajama bottoms, and flip-flops. After that she has happily worn her new t-shirts! She and Carl have enjoyed tremendous wind, live bands, musical performances where Sarah could sing along to Disney songs, and a snorkel cruise. Sarah didn’t snorkel, which Carl said was probably the right decision given the rough water, but Carl snorkeled and saw an octopus!!
Amy and I have been enjoying our time together, watching The Great British Baking Show for every meal, sorting through some toys and books to make our space less crowded, and sitting outside to soak up the warm weather. Friday night we went to the theater to see the movie Hoppers. It is quite rare for us to go to a movie so this was a special treat, as were the waffles with whipped cream and berries that we consumed as soon as the film was over.
Speaking of treats, I had the wonderful surprise of learning that the audiobook of Watching Sarah Rise won a bronze medal from the 2025 Wishing Shelf Book Awards! What is astonishing about this is that the print-version did not even make it to the finals. It got a red ribbon meaning that readers liked it even though it didn’t get enough points in their ranking system to be in contention for a medal. And yet! Listeners apparently loved the audiobook version, for which I am the reader. I’m so glad I persevered despite the times of tripping over a sentence so many times I rued the day I ever wrote the words “bunny-print pajamas.” I know, those words look innocuous but let me tell you, once you trip over something twice it becomes an impossibly hard head game to get past. (Tiny reminder and request that if you have listened to or read my book, it would be hugely helpful if you could post an honest review on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Goodreads, and or wherever you listened to it. This can just be a sentence. You do not have to summarize it; just say what you liked or didn’t. You can even say you especially loved the words “bunny-print pajamas.” Thank you!)
We all say “I love you” a lot in this family and in my extended family, on par with the number of times we listen to “Love Shack.” I have been aware of showering Sarah and Amy with kisses, hugs, and words of love, but I haven’t ever thought about it as bringing peace in retrospect. This week I combed through some boxes of things my dad saved over the years. He saved every card and note I wrote to him, and it brought me immense peace to know how many times I told him I loved him. I told him a million times over that I loved him, was proud of him, and was so glad he was my dad. While I wish I could tell his physical ears that again, I am certain that he knew it, because I never stopped telling him from the time I could write and talk to the moment he was gone and beyond.
May you feel loved a million times over, sing along to your favorite song daily, and move through the world at your own pace as much as possible.
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