April 4: Snow, Easter, and Being in Your Own Category

The April Fool’s joke for us was a notable amount of snow. We made a huge snow mouse that is taller than the kids, and Sarah enjoyed rubbing noses with it. Carl also got to go cross-country skiing.

Yesterday Amy orchestrated a talent show and asked me to be the judge. I hate judging among loved ones. Carl suggested there could be different categories so that everyone could win. That garnered an Amy-Eye-Roll but did feel like the right answer. Carl did a fabulous juggling and joke-telling act as his overly confident, not always so talented alter-ego Joey. Amy did a round of cartwheels. I’m jealous of her speed and agility. I miss the days when I could cartwheel all over the place. Sarah jumped off the sofa onto padding and pretended to be a crying baby. You can see that it was easy to sort them into different winning categories.

Sarah loves pretending to be the Goodnight Moon house. She holds her hands above her head to form the roof. She also loves it when I use a small stuffed animal mouse to do Hickory Dickory Dock. The mouse runs up the Sarah-clock, the clock always strikes 4 and we sing that the mouse runs to Anna’s car door.

Easter morning started not-yet-bright and early. It quickly turned to upset as Sarah was distraught that there were no musical note eggs. She also couldn’t find her basket, but she is notoriously unadept at looking for things. After a tense moment we all regrouped. Amy paused her chocolate egg and jelly bean hunt so that there would be some left for Sarah to find. Then she helped Sarah find her basket. All is now well. Much chocolate has been consumed and not quite so much real food, at least on Sarah’s part. At one point she whined “I’m not hungry” when we said she could finish her breakfast, as she unwrapped and ate a chocolate egg. I can totally relate.

In the two days after I wrote my update last Sunday I learned of two more people that I knew who had died. As with the first two, I hardly knew them, and yet it hit me hard. One of them was another college classmate. Another was a massage school graduate whom I put my hands on for Alexander Technique teaching.  So in 8 days 4 people that I knew died, two of them college classmates. That is just too much. I felt rather frozen and unable to focus on the tasks at hand. Yet I know I am fortunate to be on the sidelines and that after a few days of grieving I am basically back to normal. What breaks my heart is knowing the people whose lives do not so quickly return to normal. So many people have lost a parent or spouse. You might think this would mean I wouldn’t have any upsets between me and my kids because I would feel more keenly the preciousness of every moment. Unfortunately, that hasn’t been the case. If anything I’ve had less room to handle the usual moments. I’m trying to remember to hold everything gently. What I often want is to just have everything be quiet and have time to myself. This is not a knew desire but it feels stronger in the wake of death.

May you be judged in a category by yourself so you always win, but be sure to give yourself enough leeway that it is a kind category.

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