After writing last week, I had a lovely time reading in bed while still in my pajamas. Sarah made me a bookmark with musical notes, and Amy presented me with my Mother’s Day gift of a customized deck of cards. We like playing cooperative double solitaire together, and now I will always be ready. Every card is lovingly created based on me and our life together. For the Queen cards she drew princesses wielding swords, thus referencing the book Rejected Princesses by Jason Porath which I read aloud to her every school morning while she has breakfast. The King cards have Tiny Chef, who has been a favorite of mine for years. For an incomplete description of the rest, the Eight cards are potatoes as a nod to Amy’s nickname for Carl. The Fives are books, the Sixes bread, the Nines crosswords, and the Jacks bunnies. I love these cards! I also love baby bunnies and have been trying to will one into existence in our backyard. There are many things that I can’t will into existence, and often baby bunnies fall into this category, but we got very lucky and were visited by a mama and baby bunny twice in the last week. Friday night I got to hang out watching the baby bunny for the better part of two hours. I was in heaven, but it was even better once Amy got home so we could ooh and aah about the unbearable cuteness together.
On Friday Amy completed her Capstone project at school with a presentation during the day and then standing at a table with her project teammates in the early evening as parents milled around looking at the various tables, posters, and projects crammed into the classrooms. It was loud, close, and warm, so Sarah found it a bit of an overload. If I had known what it would be like I might have found childcare for her rather than bringing her, although she and I did enjoy peddling a bike that powered a blender to make smoothies. Carl, Sarah, and I left after about half an hour and arranged for Amy to get a ride home with her bestie. The project that Amy and two of her friends worked on was about clothing sustainability. They organized a clothing swap during the week, and they painted and decorated old wedding dresses and costumes to give them new life. In addition to the Capstone project, Amy also had the Keystone standardized test for algebra. That made for one very long day of math, and she is so glad to be done with it. The number of standardized tests she has to do throughout the year is notably more than I ever had to do, although in my day we had to fill in the ovals with pencil through the snow uphill both ways.
How many minutes have I spent wishing for time for myself, feeling overwhelmed by the various parenting tasks to prepare for each new school year or the end of a given year? Too many. And yet, now I am somehow on the other side of this and wondering where the time has possibly gone. I am feeling sad that there are only a few more years of going to pick out a new lunchbag for the upcoming school year. There is something about Amy finishing eighth grade that has brought this into more clear focus so that I am already shedding tears about when she goes off to college. At least we have the educational milestones and transitions spread out a bit. This year Amy finishes eighth grade, but Sarah still has one more year of high school. After Sarah finishes high school she will have two years of a post-secondary program, so she will finish that the year before Amy graduates from high school. But then what?! Where did my babies go?!! I totally understand why people whose kids have grown tell those with little ones to enjoy every moment, but please smack me if I ever utter such words. I hated it when people told me to enjoy every moment when I was trying to survive what felt equal parts draining and fulfilling, survival and sunshine. The pressure to enjoy a moment doesn’t usually help me enjoy it. But! I do now often remind myself that I will die, because it helps me refocus on what actually matters and let go of smaller stresses. Don’t get me wrong, I can still get worked up into a tizzy of stress in a nanosecond, but remembering that life is finite does help me enjoy my moments as I have them and stress maybe a little bit less.
Yesterday morning we spent time walking around the neighborhood for the big community yard sale day. It was lovely to stroll around and see friends while finding new treasures. It was also tiring, as Carl, Sarah, and I all needed a nap afterwards. Amy had slept in and then was walking around the sales with her friends so she did not nap. In the afternoon Carl did errands, to-do items, and took the girls to a music festival while I attended a class for Alexander teachers. Then Amy and I went to a performance of traditional Bulgarian dance that one of her friends was in. Our loaded day of ambitions, intentions, and plans did contribute to a mini-stress-fest on my part half way through the day. I’m always equal parts stressed and then embarrassed about being stressed, as if either of those things is a surprising new Jenny feature to Carl, who has been lovingly witnessing my patterns and imperfections for twenty eight years.
Wishing you a baby bunny to watch for two hours.
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